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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
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inspired by karolena, i wanted to give you a colon-update.
i chickened out on the purge due to the time limitations at the end of christmas break.
so the colon purge has yet to occur! rest assured, my truest fans.
the purge will begin 05/22, one day after moving from boston.
keep the faith and be patient. tales of copious pooping will come in time.
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Monday, January 8th, 2007
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we're starting the program a week from thursday. we had initially intended to start it last sunday, but boyfriend's mum couldn't compute the notion that we needed macrobiotic foods for the week.
last night, we had tex-mex eggrolls and stuffed cabbage.
tonight we had flank steak with spaetzle.
i was planning on wheat bread spread with roasted garlic,
celery with apple butter,
crap like that.
but instead, i'm impacting my colon with greasy ukrainian foodz. hip hip.
a week from thursday.
maybe i should get a flashy countdown banner for my profile.
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Sunday, January 7th, 2007
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i can't lie, this was totally motivated by the latenight infomercial for the seven day miracle cleanse.
for the last several years, i've been dealing with nervous colons: my mother, myself, my boyfriend. friends. acquaintances. y'all got some fucked up systems.
yes, nervous colon is the scientific name. ibs. leaky gut. all sorts of names.
nervous colon sounds like it's going on a date. performing on stage.
something endearing.
it's funner to imagine my colon's a pimply, ragamuffin preteen with a science project.
i've always wished i had a more, well,
more strict mental policy on divulging personal information.
dildos. farting. periods. oozing boils*.
so my two week detox blog shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone well-aquainted with my personality.
i'm cleansing to help remove toxins. to help me lose weight. maybe to jumpstart my initiatives for improved diet. exercise.
i'm skeptical for the latter, but would welcome it wholly.
bf + i are doing this together. we've purchased first cleanse by renew life. fully holistic, non-laxitive two week system for "those who have never cleansed before"
allegedly, it'll clean not only my neglected bowels, but my skin, blood, lymph and organ systems. i'll believe it when i see it.
look, i swear i'll use some self-restraint. no pictures, i swear.
i'll keep track of my weight. boyfriend's weight, too.
should i keep track of my height too? can i get taller?
i'll keep track of my allergies. i've been reacting lately to strawberries,
so i think i can now justify the risk and eat a ton of 'em.
bf's allergic to peas, so we'll do a pea test at the end.
i won't be gory, just informative.
maybe we can all use a colon purge.
maybe i can get y'all to join me.
[*- i've never had oozing boils, but a girl can dream]
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